I have always been busy.

There is something thrilling about being endlessly busy for some people. They thrive on it, wear it like a badge of honour, almost saying “look at how many things I can handle”. But it does go deeper than that. For some, it equals self-worth, success, and gives them a wonderful feeling of satisfaction. The more you can take on, more people you can help out, the higher the reward you feel. And it can be addicting. 

When I was a young, I was that kid who couldn’t make it to the birthday party because of a dance show, who couldn’t make grade 8 graduation because of a serious rehearsal which would make or break our competition. I spent all my evenings, weekends, and summer training.

Then I entered an arts high school. It was the first time I felt at home at school, and I got involved. Every performance assembly (often opening act which required more rehearsals), every musical, I said yes to every friend’s choreography projects, and a few collaboration projects with the different arts. I took drama classes on top of my dance program, often running things like the Remembrance Day ceremony (which at an arts school was a full-on production). Music classes outside of school. And my dance training I did at my studio, where five days a week I would take the bus straight from school to the studio with my dinner and homework in hand.

I burned out, hard. 

It was my first time experiencing my body physically shutting down, my brain just not working anymore, and the shame for feeling like I failed, was strong.

I didn’t have the tools to deal with it then and didn’t understand what was happening either. I tried to push through, but the more I pushed the more my body suffered.

First signs you are in burn out:

• Exhaustion
  
• Mood changes
  
• Stomach aches, headaches
  
• Getting sick with viruses more often
  
• Your brain not remembering as well,
  
• Feeling the need to zone out more
  
• More physical injuries

I actually reached my breaking point in first year university. Leading up to graduating high school I had so much potential. I had been given full scholarships, and placements at schools in the USA and Canada. My path was lined up ahead of me, all I had to do was pick. I ended up at the Ryerson Theatre School, in Toronto. Probably one of the toughest programs in Canada to get into, and here I was all set to get my career started. I also lived in residence that year, and would watch my peers going out at night, enjoying life, knowing I had ballet class at 8am the next day. Being surrounded by people having fun, and not spending every moment of their day training was eye opening for me. It took the director of the dance program to bluntly tell me my heart wasn’t in this anymore, to make me realize just how much I was burnt out. Perhaps, if I had better tools I could have gotten past the burn out and continued my dance career. However, I didn’t, so I quit. For the first time since I was about 5 years old, I wasn’t training as a dancer. 

Dealing with the burn out by just simply quitting everything and having nothing to replace it isn’t ideal. It can lead to depression and loss. Making smaller changes early on when you experience the first signs of burn out is more beneficial in the long run.
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After you experience first signs of burn out:

• Evaluate your schedule (can you cut anything out?)
• If there is something that you really don’t want to be doing follow that instinct 
• Take some small breaks even just to take some deep breathes
• Talk to friends or a therapist
• Yoga or stretching is amazing to do

I spent the next few years lost. I stayed in Toronto, worked a lot of random jobs, enjoyed going out more. However, under it all was a complete loss of my identity, drive, and passion.

Slowly, I found another path. I went back to school for archaeology, worked in museums and in the field, found my partner, bought a condo. For a time, things were really good, my life was organized, and I had purpose again. Eventually we got married, bought a house, and had two kids.

Managing a house, two kids, and a job, without community or family support was tough. A difficult pregnancy, birth, and having a young neurodivergent kid all lead to some tough mental health issues. I ignored every early sign of burn out, stating I didn’t have a choice now, that I just needed to be stronger. I was creating my own misery. Yes, it was a tough situation, but I still needed everything to be perfect. As perfect as my life before kids, a house, and the utter exhaustion that comes from it all. As the kids got a little older, I started joining things, and adding to my schedule just for any sense of connection and purpose. All the while still not address of the original signs of burn out. 

Secondary signs of burn out: after ignoring the first signs for a long time

• ​More physical issues. I had constant stabbing pains in my side, and at one point I completely lost my hearing in one ear
• More migraine headaches
• Complete zone outs
• Irritable and emotional dysregulation
• Constant anxiety 

And yet, still I pushed through. I did go to the doctor to try and solve some of the physical pains, but all my tests would come up normal. Eventually, I let everything go unchecked for so long I ended up in the hospital with a stressed induced mini stroke. A major warning sign that if I did not make changes NOW the next time might be a full stroke. Only after my body was absolutely screaming for help did I finally make changes in my life. I now try to balance excitement, with rest, and having a busy schedule, with breaks. 

Pause, rest, reset

I went to extremes when I dealt with burn out, one I completely quit everything, and the other I ignored the signs until the worst-case scenario happened.

When you start to notice changes in your physical and mental health take an assessment of your life. Follow the paths that you enjoy and cut some of the things that either don’t matter or you don’t want to do. Your health is worth so much more then saying yes to everything and everyone. There are certainly days I miss being really busy and feeling that rush of excitement. My brain thrives on that, but I know it’s not sustainable. Once again, it’s about balance. And that balance will shift constantly, depending on what you can handle at this point in your life, or month, or even day. And it’s totally ok to change it up!

Listen to your body, it’s telling you a lot more then you think.

You are sitting on the couch, thinking about having to make dinner. There are kids’ toys all around you, a pair of discarded socks on the couch, and old snack wrappers on the table. You tidy up a few of the items and throw out the wrappers. Only then to come face to face with a kitchen full of dirty dishes and used lunch containers. Now simply making dinner becomes a monumental task.

This cycle becomes tough to deal with every day. You are feeling overwhelmed by simple tasks. Your brain doesn’t want to deal anymore, and you become stuck. 

Dealing with feelings like:

• I just feel like I’m drowning!
• It’s too much, I don’t know where to start.
• Why is there always stuff everywhere?
• There are too many appointments, activities to get to, and dinners to cook.
• When I get one part of my life organized, another falls apart. What’s the point in trying?
• Everyone else seems to be able to do this, I feel so much guilt for not having it together.

​There are a few simple tools you can use when you feel really stuck:

• Tell yourself to do one small thing and focus only on that

When your brain is really stuck and you feel like you can’t move, sometimes telling yourself to do one small thing can get the snowball rolling.

Example: Just tell yourself all I need to do is get up and get dressed, nothing else. Really make your brain believe it just has this one thing to do. And if you can do that, it often leads to the next task. Once you are up and accomplishing something it’s easier to keep going.

• Break down a task into many smaller tasks you can check off a list

Putting a huge task on a list will make it feel impossible to feel like your list is getting smaller.

Example: Don’t just add clean the kitchen to the list, write out all the steps that are involved with cleaning the kitchen. Add empty dishwasher, put in dirty dishes, wipe down counter, sort papers etc.

• It doesn’t have to be perfect!

This one was huge for me. Sometimes I wouldn’t even start something because it was less then what I pictured it to look like.

Example: For me, getting this blog and my program started. It’s still not exactly the way I want it to be, but I’m doing it and that’s all that matters.

• Don’t be too hard on yourself

This is hard stuff! While motivating yourself, don’t forget to be gentle and encouraging.

​Example: No one wants to be scolded, including yourself. This is much easier said then done, but with practice it gets easier.